Here are steps to make Your Bedroom Look like a Cluttered Mess in 15 Seconds or Less:
#1 – Put all your things away in your bedroom. Except for one thing.
#2 – Make sure that one thing is something dirty like a pair of underpants or a sock with holes in it.
#3 – Leave it out and place it somewhere where you’re sure to see it every time you enter the room, i.e., on top of your bed or right next to your pillow.
#4 – Place some other random stuff around the bedroom like magazines and books. Leave them open to the center pages and put enough weight on them so they won’t close (for example, if you have a phone book, make sure two of the edges are propped up on heavy objects). Don’t forget stuff like empty yogurt containers or dirty dishes.
#5 – Spread your clothes around the room. Put them on the floor, on chairs; in the closet… make it look like there are at least 3-4 outfits to choose from when getting dressed in the morning. Clothes that you haven’t worn since you were 16 would be perfect for this particular task (and no, not because you’ll fit into them if they’re small enough).
#6 – Leave your sheets and blankets rumpled and don’t make the bed in the Bedroom.
#7 – Remember those magazines you used as props? Go ahead and leave them open so that there’s a good chance of page corners staying down if someone were to actually pick one up “to look something up.” Also, try to choose a magazine that’d be hard for an average human being to read (i.e., it’ll probably have a lot of words like ‘Augusta’ or ‘Augustine’ or ‘august’). If you can find one printed in Italian, the entire better!
#8 – Spread out your dirty clothes. This is probably the easiest step in this list since you already have them all over the room, but if they’re really scattered around, it’s not enough. Just take one sock or t-shirt at a time and hide it somewhere else in the room. You can put things under the bed… inside the closet… anywhere!
#9 – Please notes that “dirty” clothes are different from “laundry.” By this, I mean that you should leave no trace of any clean clothing other than underwear. If there are jeans or socks on hangers or just sitting by themselves looking innocent, obviously no one will think your room is cluttered because obviously, you keep your clothes neat and tidy. If you have to, just put the clean items somewhere where they won’t be visible. Put them under the bed or in a drawer or something.
#10 – For added effect play your favorite CD that’s sure to make your room seem totally rocking’. And by “favorite” I mean some album you haven’t listened to since high school… unless of course, it’s Syd Barrett or something else that’s dated even before high school. Bonus points if it sounds like Pink Floyd at their most ‘psychedelic’! Remember when your parents made fun of you for listening to this stuff? Good times!
#11 – Keep all lights off except one lamp over on the other side of the room near an outlet with a frayed cord. Make sure the lampshade is covered in some weird pattern or a really ugly color.
#12 – That’s it! Your room should now look like this:
Congratulations, you’ve successfully made your bedroom look like a cluttered mess! Now, what are you going to do with all that extra time you have? You could always send me an e-mail or make yourself useful by cleaning up your room (just kidding). This list was originally posted on the blog “Clowns of America.” It has been modified slightly for use here. Please note that this article does not apply to clowns who happen to be girls. Image courtesy of Clowns of America. . Used under Creative Commons License.
NOTE: So it has come to my attention that there are some people among us who. For reasons known only to them, have taken offense at this list. I can assure those of you who happen to be those people (or perhaps know those people). That this was not intended as spiteful or hateful in any way, shape, or form. If anyone is having a bad day because of the images they’ve seen on this website (that’s what she said). I encourage them to send me an e-mail and we’ll work things out like we always do. If someone took something personally that wasn’t intended as such. And wants it removed from the site immediately, please contact me and it will go within minutes.
As usual, the Clown Prince of Blogger has spoken.
I can’t believe I’m saying this… but maybe it’s time for me to retire from blogging after all these years. Because I don’t know how many more people are going to read what I’ve written. If they’re too busy being offended to read it. If you happen to be one of those hypersensitive types who have a problem. With what I’ve said here and would like me off your back. Then just send me an e-mail and we’ll work something out that doesn’t favor you in any way. Because without question, it is my desire to do so.